24th November 2005

George Bush

Master of the Universe

The White House

Washington DC

Good Old US of A

Hi there Dubya!,

How’s it hanging?

Been looking in the papers over here, and it seems that Tony’s cronies outed you over the suggestion to take out the al-Jazeera TV station in Qatar during the Gulf War. Seems they were screening outrageous and pernicious truths about what was going on in Eyerak.  So much so that the rest of the ragheads didn’t actually believe what you and Tony were telling them. “Real and present danger..” “Chemical weapons factories..” “Weapons of mass destruction…”  etc etc.

Bet it seem like a good idea at the time. Rather less so, now that it’s made the papers. Anyway, don’t worry. Tony’s got Lord Goldsmith on the case. Official Secrets Act prosecutions are now pending and the requisite threats made to the Fleet Street hacks if they so much as mention it again. Strange that truth should be an Official Secret in a democracy. (or should I say Tonocracy?)

So, where’s next on the agenda?

Iran? They’d cut off the oil flow (and probably whup your ass!)

North Korea? No oil. (and they’d most certainly whup your ass!)

Say! How about Channel Four News? They’ve been pretty radical recently: laughing at you and Tony, and being generally disrespectful. We know they don’t have any oil, but that guy does wear crap ties, which must count for something. Let us know if the CIA can’t find their office – we can look up Yellow Pages for you.

While you’re at it, can you take out BBC News as well. OK. So they only report what Tony tells them to now, but most of the News is taken up with trailers for  BBC programs and other inconsequential rubbish.

Have a nice day!

Best regards